>> Gay W. Virginia high school soccer player comes out by dancing with homecoming king
Danser un slow avec un autre mec et en plus, LA vedette du lycée, LE « homecoming king », au bal de promo d’octobre ? Michael ne l’aurait jamais envisagé. Ni d’ailleurs ses proches et amis. Et pourtant, quand Jem lui a tendu la main, le jeune homme n’a pas hésité. « J’étais nerveux… Nous étions tous les deux à la buvette, accompagnés de nos cavalières, c’était une situation étrange mais tellement excitante. Je venais à peine d’aborder avec certains mon homosexualité et me retrouver dans les bras d’un autre garçon devant tout le monde… «
Joueur de foot, gardien de but émérite, membre de l’équipe de natation et de tennis de l’université de Musselman, Michael Martin, 18 ans, a raconté la semaine dernière son coming-out dans les colonnes du site spécialisé Outsports, inspiré par l’international américain, Robbie Rogers, star du foot qui révélait son homosexualité en février 2013.
« Difficile pour un ado issu d’une famille religieuse d’assumer son orientation sexuelle, surtout dans une petite ville située dans une région rurale comme la Virginie Occidentale, caractérisée par son conservatisme. J’avais peur d’être raillé par mes amis, mes voisins… d’être rejeté par ma famille.
Plus jeune, j’avais déjà été témoin de réactions homophobes. Alors même si je savais déjà que j’aimais les garçons, je ne voulais pas me manifester, particulièrement à l’école. J’ai d’ailleurs préféré quitter mon équipe locale de foot américain, un peu avant la fin du cursus secondaire, pour éviter que les autres joueurs ne remarquent que j’étais gay. Les blagues salaces me mettaient mal à l’aise. Je me suis concentré sur le football (soccer). Et même, lorsque le nouveau coach itinérant a stipulé dès le début qu’il ne tolérait aucune forme de discrimination, je me suis senti réconforté mais je n’ai pas osé en parler. Si ce n’est à mon meilleur ami. J’avais besoin d’être moi pour de vrai au moins avec une personne que j’aimais. Et, je me suis aventuré dans les confidences, mais en fin d’année. Il fallait m’assurer que s’il y avait dérapage, je n’en sois pas victime pendant les cours.
Il ne m’a pas déçu. Au contraire, il m’a avoué qu’il s’en était un peu douté mais que ça ne faisait aucune différence. Ironie, il m’a offert le livre de Robbie Rogers qui m’a inspiré ensuite cette nécessité de s’accepter.
Et puis, quand j’ai rencontré Jem par l’intermédiaire d’amis et que nous avons discuté… j’ai réalisé pour la première fois que je me sentais bien, libre. Je ne cherchais plus à faire semblant. J’ai décidé de m’ouvrir davantage. Déjà avec certains de mes coéquipiers qui l’ont redit à d’autres… Et ça s’est plutôt bien passé. Il y en a qui sont revenus me demander confirmation. Ils n’arrivaient pas à croire que j’étais homo. Je faisais trop hétéro… Depuis, ils en rigolent avec moi, quelques blagues encore… mais je sais que ce ne sont que des boutades entre potes. Et, une étape après l’autre, j’ai abordé le propos avec mon coach. Je n’avais plus envie de vivre avec cette espèce de fardeau au-dessus de ma tête….
Par contre, c’était moins facile avec mes parents. Imaginez ?! A force de m’entendre répéter et constater par eux-mêmes que rien n’avait changé, que j’étais toujours le même ado… ils ont fini par me soutenir. Mais il a fallu œuvrer.
Alors, la main de Jem qui m’invitait à le suivre sur « Love Story » de Taylors Swift, c’était juste parfait ! Il portait sa veste grise sur un noeud rose, j’étais en chemise noire et cravate lamée or… Je lui ai demandé tout de suite après s’il acceptait de devenir officiellement mon amoureux. Un peu timide, nous étions chez lui et j’ai écrit le message sur son mur. Il a dit oui. Et deux semaines plus tard, au bal de promo de mon université, cette fois, c’est moi qui a rassemblé mon courage pour lui demander de m’accorder la danse. Inattendue ?! C’était ma façon de le dire à tous : je suis gay et je suis fier.
Il y a eu des réactions négatives évidemment. J’ai entendu dire que j’étais devenu un putain de pédé… qu’on racontait ici et là des trucs… Mais bon, je ne vis plus dans la crainte. »
Michael Martine, qui n’imaginait pas non plus que son histoire ferait le tour du monde, s’est engagé depuis dans des actions de soutien pour la communauté. Il assume ouvertement sa sexualité et vient de mettre en place un groupe solidaire, l’Alliance hétéro-homo. Ses vrais amis ont suivi. Ses anciennes camarades, comme il le dit, l’aiment d’autant plus sinon davantage et il continue de se faire aguicher par les nouvelles, qui oublient trop vite qu’il est gay. Il sera diplômé au printemps prochain et entame des pourparlers avec de nouveaux entraîneurs pour évoluer vers d’autres universités et aventures… fin prêt :
« Être homosexuel ne signifie pas que l’on soit un humain amoindri. Si j’ai pu m’affirmer, être accepté, et danser avec le roi du lycée dans une petite ville campagnarde américaine, ça prouve aussi que les choses changent vraiment. J’espère que mon témoignage donnera du courage à d’autres adolescents homosexuels dans leurs inspirations et carrières.
Il ne faut pas avoir peur de dévoiler nos véritables couleurs… et persévérer. »
Terrence Katchadourian
@stop_homophobie
>> It was something I thought I’d never do — dance a slow dance with the homecoming king at his high school.
I am an 18-year-old senior all-state high school soccer goalie for Musselman High School in West Virginia. I also have been on the school’s football, tennis and swim teams. And I am openly gay. Growing up in rural West Virginia, it’s not the easiest place to be a gay teenager and it took me a long time to come out to myself and others.
Yet there we were, Jem and I, on an October night this fall, slow dancing with each other. We attend schools in different counties and met through friends and I was thrilled that he asked me to his dance so we could be together. He was wearing his gray vest and pink bow tie while I had on my black shirt with a gold tie. We danced to « Love Story » by Taylor Swift, which was a perfect song for my first dance with a guy.
We both started the dance with our female friends who were our « dates. » The final song came on and Jem and I danced for a brief time. It was my first school event where I was with another guy, even though we came to the dance separately. I held his hand when we went to get refreshments and when we took breaks from dancing. It was a weird feeling for me, since I had just barely started coming out. I was nervous yet excited. After the dance we went to his house. That is where I asked him to be my boyfriend. I posed the question by writing it on the dry erase board on his wall. He quickly said yes.
My homecoming dance at Musselman — two weeks after the dance at Jem’s school — was the big moment I revealed being gay to my school. Jem was the date of girl at Musselman and her outside guest for the dance, while I went « alone. » The girl knew Jem and I were together. I was on the homecoming court, which was a big honor and something I never thought would happen. Only some people knew about me before the homecoming, so it was a shocker for some seeing me dance with another guy.
Jem and I danced all night to the most popular pop songs. But it was the slow dance that I most remember that night at the school cafeteria — « Remember When » by Alan Jackson. It was the best night ever. Jem and I got asked a lot if we were together and we said yes. « That is so cute! » some girls said. It made us felt accepted.
Word quickly spread and the following week I sensed that some guys were looking at me differently. My friends even told me people were talking about me in a negative way in different classes. « He is a faggot now, » I was told some people said. My friends courageously stood up for me and I am so proud to call them my friends.
Dancing with another guy in front of my fellow students would have seemed like the last thing I would ever do when I started high school. When I was a freshman I knew I was not like other guys on the Musselman High varsity soccer team. They were always talking about their girlfriends and I always felt that I could never say anything about my sexuality. I was just a freshman, and I was scared of being mocked by my teammates when I was just trying to fit in. The team threw around the words « gay » and « faggot » a lot. I felt I would never be safe if I did come out.
Musselman High School is located in Inwood, W. Va. The school is named for the Musselman applesauce company and we are called the Applemen. Inwood is only about two hours from Washington, DC, and Baltimore but culturally is far from city life. Inwood is a pretty conservative town. The students, however, are very diverse in their culture and beliefs; the range runs from rednecks to foreign exchange students. I live in isolated mountain area, so I didn’t have any kids to hang around with when I was younger. I was alone but even at a young age I knew I didn’t like girls and found boys attractive instead. I could never tell anyone since my family is really conservative and religious.
I was silent about my sexuality until my junior year when I told my best friend, Ben, who was a senior at the time and on the soccer team. I waited until after the soccer season so I wouldn’t have to worry about him telling any of my teammates.
The cold winter air and the campfire at Ben’s house that night made it the perfect environment in which to tell him my news. I was scared to death, but summoned up the courage and was direct: « I hope this doesn’t change our friendship but I am gay. » His response was simple but it meant the world to me: « There is nothing that can change our friendship. » Thankfully, Ben accepted me (he said he had suspected) and promised to not tell anyone until I was ready.
My junior year was a strange time for me. I played football and soccer in the fall (in West Virginia they are in the same season). I punted for the football team, but never felt comfortable. I was always scared about my sexuality on the team, surrounded by a bunch of country boys and jocks who would definitely make fun of me if they knew I was gay. I felt useless, which is why I dropped the sport in the senior year and focused solely on soccer.
Things were better in my favorite sport. My coach for my traveling soccer team laid down the law that there was not going to be any racism or discrimination based on sexuality, which made me feel safe. I still did not have the guts to tell anyone I was gay. My travel coach never knew that I was gay nor did I tell him but he was determined to create a safe environment on the team. We were a very diverse team that played well together and were a state finalist three years in a row.
The experience of coming out was very rough for me to do but it really took off this fall. When I started to talk with Jem I was comfortable with myself and wasn’t ashamed like I was in years past. For me to be happy, though, I needed to come out. I didn’t want to hide how I really was any more. I didn’t want to live every day with a secret hanging over my head. I told my team before my own parents. My family was not accepting at first but is starting to come around and support me. I just had to keep telling them that I can’t change who I am and that I am the same teenager that I was before.
I came out to my soccer team one step at a time. Since I was dating Jem, I decided to become truthful with everyone. I never held a team meeting. Instead, I told some players and then they told others and these people asked me for confirmation. They couldn’t believe that I was gay, because they said « I always acted so straight. »
Teammates were curious and I got a lot of questions. I also got teased by my teammates closest to me making jokes or saying sexual things, but I know they were just kidding. Actually, their joking told me they were OK with things. I also knew that even if someone did say something negative that a lot of my teammates would have my back. Recently I was named captain for the Musselman swim team. They all know about my sexuality and gratefully are accepting.
Despite my fears, I feel very safe at my school when comes to LGBT issues; we even have a Gay Straight Alliance Club. I have made a lot new friends and my previous friends who are girls love me more and we have become better friends. I still get told that girls have crushes on me, before someone then breaks the news to them that I am gay.
As I am graduating next spring, I have been talking to several college coaches about playing soccer at their schools. That will be a whole new level, a whole new school, group of friends, and new teammates. But I won’t be afraid of being myself since I am proud to play as an athlete who happens to be gay.
I try to prove myself in sports not just for myself but for other gay athletes. I want to show everyone that I am just as good as anyone else in my sport. Being a two-time goalkeeper of the year for my conference, making the All-State team and being two-time M.V.P for Musselman and defender of the year makes me proud.
I remember a playoff game with the varsity when I was only a freshman. We were playing our rivals and lost 1-0 on a goal with 10 minutes left. The goal was on a perfect shot in the upper corner, but it was so depressing for me. I felt like I let the team down but I kept my head up. It motivated me to become a better player the next three years.
One athletic highlight for me and one that showed I could play on a high level came when I had a tryout for the West Virginia’s Olympic development soccer team. I was very nervous during the tryout and I felt like did well. My training paid off and I made the team. It was a great exposure to quality soccer for me and it feels good to say that I was a part of that team.
My soccer hero and the man who inspired me to come out is Robbie Rogers of the Los Angeles Galaxy. I loved how he announced he was gay and did not quit playing soccer. He gave me hope and confidence to be true to myself. Once he came out I started to contemplate doing the same myself and being proud of who I am. He recently published a book, « Coming Out to Play, » which my friend Ben got me for my birthday. I can tell you that after reading the book, Robbie should be every soccer player’s idol, gay or straight. I am so proud that he recently won a MLS Cup with the Galaxy.
I have learned that being gay does not mean you are a lesser of a human being. If I can come out in a small town in West Virginia and be accepted, and dance with the homecoming king, it shows things are changing. I hope my performances and story help inspire other gay teens to show their true colors and not be afraid to play the sport they love.
